Growing up, I had a natural ability to write and draw; my two favourite subjects in school were English Literature and Art. But the affirmations I received as a child were that I was ‘ugly’, ‘no good’ and ‘worthless’, so I somehow believed that anything I produced was ‘not good enough’ either! This was my subconscious programming. Frederick Douglas said it’s much easier to raise strong children than to mend broken adults; the negative affirmations I received as a child went deep into my subconscious mind, and I grew up with low self-esteem, lacked self-confidence, and didn’t believe in myself. I would screw up any piece of writing or drawings I did, because I thought they weren’t good enough – a reflection of how I felt about myself!
When I was in my teens, I remember working on a painting in art class and wanted to give up on it. When I expressed this to the teacher, he told me to get up and walk around the classroom and look at the other students work. When I did this I realized mine was one of the best!
Yet still, I didn’t have the courage to pursue a career utilizing my God-given talents, and instead chose a career in Accounts – when maths had been my most hated subject at school!
By my mid twenties, I had stopped being creative altogether. This was the last picture I drew in 1986 (check out the carpet!):
Clearly you can see I was good at art, but my perception of myself was warped, and this reflected in how I viewed my work. (I did this for a boyfriend; he looked at them both and threw the original record sleeve on the floor!)
I remained a blocked writer and artist for over 20 years. My inner child was crying out to be heard, but I ignored her.
I was unfulfilled, and miserable.
But after the birth of my second ‘sun’ in 1995, I decided I wanted to do something that would work around my two little ones. I wanted to go back to being creative, but I didn’t know how. I came across a book called ‘The Artist’s Way’ by Julia Cameron, which helped me begin the process of unblocking.
This book literally saved my inner child’s life! I didn’t just read it, I did all the tasks it told me to do (it’s a 12-week workbook). The first thing I had to do was start writing my Morning Pages. This is where you write 3 A4 pages every morning of anything that comes into your head (it doesn’t have to make sense). The second thing you have to do is take your inner child on weekly ‘Artist Dates‘. As part of the process, I had to go into the recesses of my mind and find out where that critical voice in my head was coming from that told me “You? A great artist? LOL” or “You? A prolific writer? You could never amount to that!” . The exercises helped me get to the root cause of my insecurities, and then counter-attack them with POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS like “I am a brilliant and successful artist”, “I have rich creative talents”, “I am confident and competent in my creative work”, “I am a channel for the Creator to create through…” and get my creative juices flowing again.
‘The Artist’s Way’ taught me how to nurture my inner child, and give her the freedom she wanted to create, and I am now writing and painting freely! I had to step out of the way, as the adult. One of the first poems I wrote was called ‘My Artist Child’ (inspired by the book) and the first painting I did was of my inner child, which now illustrates Year Two of my Self-help novel (the e-book); this is where the main character discovered that her roots were actually in Africa, not the ‘West Indies’, and where she inspired Charles to awaken his inner child:
Cezanne’s mission is to ‘Spread Love through Creativity’
The thing I love about my inner child is her ability to write about adult topics with the innocence of a child, and to express herself in a way that I (the adult) wouldn’t dare to! When I was writing ‘Journey of a Sister’ I kept hearing that critical voice inside my head saying “You can’t write that!”, but I just stepped out of the way and allowed my inner child the freedom to write whatever she chose…so in 2009 I felt compelled to write ‘Part Two‘ of my poem ‘My Artist Child‘:
My inner child is wild and free – she has no boundaries!
When I decided to set her free I KNEW it would cost me my privacy
(and anyone who’s had anything to do with me
so if that’s you, I’m sorry.)
She sits in the seat of my subconscious mind observing all I’m doing
Then she turns my experiences into a song, story or poem!
Thanks to her, my life is an open book,
Go on, open it, take a look!
And she’s left me (the adult) to deal with all the DRAMA she creates
She doesn’t know where to draw the line!
I know I should be embarrassed, but to be honest,
All I keep seeing are pound signs ££££££££!
Journey of a Sister features my Artwork & Poetry, start by reading >> Year One FREE! << (click to open)
Journey of a Sister (signed paperback)
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Where Did the Name ‘Cezanne’ Come From?
Cezanne is my ‘spiritual’ name. What do I mean by that?
When I was 14 years old, I was sat in the back of class one day at school, doodling on the back of my textbook (obviously bored!). As I was drawing randomly, the name ‘Cezanne’ appeared in the doodles! The name stuck in the back of my mind all those years I was blocked, and only came back to me when I had to name my inner child as part of the course in Julia Cameron’s book ‘The Artist’s Way‘.
I’ve now changed my name by Deed Poll – eventually, my inner child will take over completely! Setting my inner child free has been the best thing I’ve done with my life (apart from having my babies!). Since then, I’ve written and recorded over 30 poems, written 3 books (one is the Book of Lyrics to my poetry CD ‘Seeds of Love’), painted 11 paintings, and I’m still creating, including building this website!
Join me on the ‘Nurture Your Inner Child’ Retreat!
Would you like me to take you through the same processes I went through, to unblock as a writer and artist? Then join me for 7 days of work-play in the sun! This is essentially a 7-day holiday for both women and men, with 5 days of workshops thrown in (you can do as much or as little as you like!). All materials are included, as well as accommodation, daily meals, and 5 days of nurturing your inner child! You’ll return home with something you have created, and the tools to keep your creative juices flowing! As part of the course, I will also teach Colour Therapy (I healed myself from Seasonal Affective Disorder using the colours in my paintings!)
Download the e-book which explains the Colours & Symbolism used in my paintings! (FREE if you’re an Amazon Prime Member, or just 0.99)
Use the Contact Form below to register your interest in the Nurture Your Inner Child Retreat, or email firstname.lastname@example.org
In your service,
Promoting LOVE through Creativity!
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