The Story of My Inner Child

Growing up, I had a natural ability to write and draw; my two favourite subjects in school were English Literature and Art.  But the affirmations I received as a child were that I was ‘ugly’, ‘no good’ and  ‘worthless’, so I somehow believed that anything I produced was ‘not good enough’ either!  This was my subconscious programming.  Frederick Douglas said it’s much easier to raise strong children than to mend broken adults; the negative affirmations I received as a child went deep into my subconscious mind, and I grew up with low self-esteem,  lacked self-confidence, and didn’t believe in myself.  I would screw up any piece of writing or drawings I did, because I thought they weren’t good enough – a reflection of how I felt about myself!

When I was in my teens, I remember working on a painting in art class and wanted to give up on it.  When I expressed this to the teacher, he told me to get up and walk around the classroom and look at the other students work.  When I did this I realized mine was one of the best!

Yet still, I didn’t have the courage to pursue a career utilizing my God-given talents, and instead chose a career in Accounts – when maths had been my most hated subject at school!

By my mid twenties, I had stopped being creative altogether.  This was the last picture I drew in 1986 (check out the carpet!):

Alexander O'Neal

Clearly you can see I was good at art, but my perception of myself was warped, and this reflected in how I viewed my work.  (I did this for a boyfriend; he looked at them both and threw the original record sleeve on the floor!)

I remained a blocked writer and artist for over 20 years.  My inner child was crying out to be heard, but I ignored her.

I was unfulfilled, and miserable.

But after the birth of my second ‘sun’ in 1995, I decided I wanted to do something that would work around my two little ones.  I wanted to go back to being creative, but I didn’t know how.  I came across a book called ‘The Artist’s Way’ by Julia Cameron, which helped me begin the process of unblocking.

The Artists Way

This book literally saved my inner child’s life!  I didn’t just read it, I did all the tasks it told me to do (it’s a 12-week workbook).  The first thing I had to do was start writing my Morning Pages.  This is where you write 3 A4 pages every morning of anything that comes into your head (it doesn’t have to make sense).  The second thing you have to do is take your inner child on weekly ‘Artist Dates‘.  As part of the process, I had to go into the recesses of my mind and find out where that critical voice in my head was coming from that told me “You? A great artist? LOL” or “You? A prolific writer? You could never amount to that!” .  The exercises helped me get to the root cause of my insecurities, and then counter-attack them with POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS like “I am a brilliant and successful artist”, “I have rich creative talents”, “I am confident and competent in my creative work”, “I am a channel for the Creator to create through…” and get my creative juices flowing again.

‘The Artist’s Way’ taught me how to nurture my inner child, and give her the freedom she wanted to create, and I am now writing and painting freely!  I had to step out of the way, as the adult.  One of the first poems I wrote was called ‘My Artist Child’ (inspired by the book) and the first painting I did was of my inner child, which now illustrates Year Two of my Self-help novel (the e-book); this is where the main character discovered that her roots were actually in Africa, not the ‘West Indies’, and where she inspired Charles to awaken his inner child:

Cezanne’s mission is to ‘Spread Love through Creativity’

The thing I love about my inner child is her ability to write about adult topics with the innocence of a child, and to express herself in a way that I (the adult) wouldn’t dare to!  When I was writing ‘Journey of a Sister’ I kept hearing that critical voice inside my head saying “You can’t write that!”, but I just stepped out of the way and allowed my inner child the freedom to write whatever she chose…so in 2009 I felt compelled to write ‘Part Two‘ of my poem ‘My Artist Child‘:

My inner child is wild and free – she has no boundaries!

When I decided to set her free I KNEW it would cost me my privacy

(and anyone who’s had anything to do with me

 so if that’s you, I’m sorry.)

She sits in the seat of my subconscious mind observing all I’m doing

Then she turns my experiences into a song, story or poem!

Thanks to her, my life is an open book,

Go on, open it, take a look!

And she’s left me (the adult) to deal with all the DRAMA she creates 

She doesn’t know where to draw the line!

I know I should be embarrassed, but to be honest,

All I keep seeing are pound signs ££££££££!

Journey_PB3

 Journey of a Sister features my Artwork & Poetry, start by reading >>  Year One FREE! << (click to open) 

Journey of a Sister (signed paperback)

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Where Did the Name ‘Cezanne’ Come From?

Cezanne is my ‘spiritual’ name.  What do I mean by that?

When I was 14 years old, I was sat in the back of class one day at school, doodling on the back of my textbook (obviously bored!).  As I was drawing randomly, the name ‘Cezanne’ appeared in the doodles!  The name stuck in the back of my mind all those years I was blocked, and only came back to me when I had to name my inner child as part of the course in Julia Cameron’s book ‘The Artist’s Way‘.

Signature

I’ve now changed my name by Deed Poll – eventually, my inner child will take over completely!  Setting my inner child free has been the best thing I’ve done with my life (apart from having my babies!).  Since then, I’ve written and recorded over 30 poems, written 3 books (one is the Book of Lyrics to my poetry CD ‘Seeds of Love’), painted 11 paintings, and I’m still creating, including building this website! 

Join me on the ‘Nurture Your Inner Child’ Retreat!

Would you like me to take you through the same processes I went through, to unblock as a writer and artist?  Then join me for 7 days of work-play in the sun!  This is essentially a 7-day holiday for both women and men, with 5 days of workshops thrown in (you can do as much or as little as you like!).  All materials are included, as well as accommodation, daily meals, and 5 days of nurturing your inner child!  You’ll return home with something you have created, and the tools to keep your creative juices flowing!   As part of the course, I will also teach Colour Therapy (I healed myself from Seasonal Affective Disorder using the colours in my paintings!)

Download the e-book which explains the Colours & Symbolism used in my paintings! (FREE if you’re an Amazon Prime Member, or just 0.99)

Use the Contact Form below to register your interest in the Nurture Your Inner Child Retreat, or email cezanne@journeyofasister.com  

In your service,

Signature

 

Promoting LOVE through Creativity!

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Download Year Two FREE!

Year Two of my Self-help novel ‘Single, Spiritual…AND Sexual!’ is FREE to download this weekend! (until Monday 15th July).  The only thing I ask in return is that you Leave a REVIEW! (link at end of book)

Watch the YouTube video for the book:

Download Year Two FREE:

"I am JAfrican!"

Download it here:

UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B008DM1OAM

Outside UK: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008DM1OAM

If you missed the FREE download of Year One last week, it’s available to read FREE at www.singlespiritualandsexual.com 

Finished the journey?

If you’ve already completed all 11 Years, Please spare 5-10 minutes to let others know what you thought of it by leaving a REVIEW! (It will also help others make a purchasing decision) Leave your feedback here:

UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00DPNOQ9A

Outside UK:  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DPNOQ9A

You can also use the link above to download the full e-book (Years One to Eleven, text only) for £2.99! ($4.45)

Also, check out the July issue of the Conscious Vibes magazine, my book is featured on page 63!

Enjoy your weekend!

Cezanne

Touching the Heart…through Art!

P.S.  I’ll be performing at Uzima next Saturday 20th July, visit my Events Page for details!  (Buy the paperback online, bring it with you and I’ll not only sign it, but give you its complimentary poetry CD ‘Seeds of Love’ FREE!)

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Year Two FREE DOWNLOAD – LAST DAY TODAY!

Year Two of my Self-help novel ‘Single, Spiritual…AND Sexual!’ is available to download FREE NOW – LAST DAY TODAY!  Go here

Year Two Book Cover Design copy

If you missed the free download of Year One last week, you can read it FREE on my new website www.singlespiritualandsexual.com (under ‘Book Extracts’)

I would really appreciate it if you would leave your Review on Amazon here:

Year Three will be available to download FREE next weekend – ‘follow’ my blog so you get an email reminder!

Prefer to read the paperback version?

Order the paperback from www.lulu.com for only £10.99 + p&p – bring it with you to one of my Book Signing events and get its 13-track complimentary poetry CD ‘Seeds of Love’ FREE!  (Get your book signed too!) You can listen to all 13 tracks on Myspace.  For information of events where I’ll be in February and March visit my Events Page: http://wp.me/P2oJPB-km

I look forward to reading your comments, and hopefully meeting you at one of my Book Signing events where you’ll get my poetry CD ‘Seeds of Love’ FREE when you order the paperback online and bring it with you!  I’m currently organising my Book Tour 2013; if you’ve bought the paperback and would like me to come to YOUR part of the world, email me at singlespiritualandsexual@gmail.com – if I get enough requests in the same area, I’ll come!

Cezanne ♥ (Black Love Promoter)

Extract from Year One: The Caribbean Expo

The Caribbean Expo

 The Expo was a much bigger occasion than Suzanne had imagined; over the three day period thousands of people flocked to the venue in the Docklands.  She made over three times as much money as she had invested in the stand and printing her posters. But it was the third day that was to change Suzanne’s life forever…

She spotted him in the distance; he stood out like a neon light, seemingly head and shoulders above everyone else.  As he approached her stand, Suzanne began to get a strange feeling in her stomach, like butterflies.  Did she know this guy?

When he reached about two feet away, she could see that she didn’t know him, and at over six feet tall he really was head and shoulders above everyone else!   Then she realised that he wasn’t even heading towards her stand, but the stand opposite!  She had to get his attention; “EXCUSE ME!” she called out to him on impulse.  He turned and began walking towards her.  She suddenly felt slightly nervous; she wasn’t in the habit of pursuing men, plus, she was meant to be working!

But as their eyes met, she flashed him a huge, inviting smile.  He accepted the invitation.

She knew he thought she was attractive, and she thought he was attractive too.

“Hi! I wondered whether you’d be interested in my posters” she said cheerfully, flicking her hair as he reached her stand.

“Hmmm….they’re nice, did you design them?”  He asked, looking at them.

“Yes, I wrote the poetry too”

He stood silently, reading one.

“I can tell, you’re deep” he commented when he had finished.

Suzanne laughed.  “Would you like one?”

“How much are they?” he enquired.

“Well you can buy one for £4.50, two for £8.00 or three for £10”

He chose three different designs, saying “My mum will appreciate these” and paid her the £10.

“What made you come here today?” Suzanne asked, trying to prolong his stay as she rolled the posters up slowly, putting an elastic band around them.  Neat, heavy eyebrows adorned his sparkling dark brown eyes. He was dressed casually but neatly in a pair of jeans, shirt and shoes. As she handed him the posters he smiled with full, luscious lips revealing perfect teeth.  But it wasn’t his looks that had attracted her to him in the first instance. In fact, she couldn’t quite place her finger on what it was.

“My friend invited me” he replied, pointing to another brother at the stand opposite.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise you were with someone!”

“It’s alright. So how long have you been doing this?” he asked, indicating towards the posters with his tube.

“I’ve just started actually – I only had them printed this week!” she replied, smiling proudly.

“What were you doing before?” he asked.

“I used to work in admin, but I left my job two weeks ago so I could focus on starting my business”

“Wow, sounds pretty much like me…”

He proceeded to tell her how he had just left the job he’d been doing for over 7 years, as well as ending his long term relationship.  It sounded as if they were both at a turning point in their lives.   In a weird kind of way, during the time they were talking, it was as if time stood still; everything around them became like a blurred whirlwind, as if they were in some kind of time warp. Suzanne forgot she was meant to be selling; in that moment, nothing else existed in the world but the two of them.  In the two minutes or so that they conversed, they both shared personal information about themselves, as if they had known each other forever.

“I have to go – do you have a card?” he asked.

Suzanne picked up one of her home-made business cards and handed it to him.  He read it and smiled at her slogan; ‘Touching the Heart…through Art’.

“I’ll call you” he said, looking at her with promise in his eyes.

“I’ll look forward to it” she smiled encouragingly.

“My name’s Charles, by the way” he added, extending his hand.  His smile was as warm as a summer’s day, making her feel all hot and sweaty.  As their hands made contact, what felt like an electrical surge passed from his hand through Suzanne’s whole body; she wondered if he had felt it too.  They shook hands quite formally, but there was a lingering in the time they should have released contact.

“Suzanne”

As Charles walked away, Janice asked “Who was THAT?”

*******************

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