Out of the Darkness…

To all my friends and family who have been genuinely concerned for my wellbeing; I feel obligated to give you this update because I’m aware that there’s been a lot of information going around on social media, some true, some not.

I want to thank everyone again for all your prayers, holding me in pure love and light, and for your spiritual support in my darkest hour. Without it I may not have pulled through (and it was literally an hour in the grand scheme of my whole life). I want to especially thank my two eldest suns Zaviere and Sanchez, Lamarra and my two sisters Janet and Jacqui for all their support, love and care while I was ‘missing’, in hospital in Wales on a drip, and on the psychiatric ward. I know this was an extremely traumatizing time for you and I apologize, but know it was out of my control.

I spent a month on a psychiatric ward as an informal patient (not sectioned), where I was sent for a mental health assessment, after spending 6 days on a drip in hospital after taking an overdose of 6 different boxes of pills. The reason I remained on the psychiatric ward for a whole month was because I couldn’t return to my son’s father’s house, and I’d sent all my belongings on a container to the Gambia. I was advised by family members to stay in the psychiatric ward until I was rehoused. However, they wanted me to take their chemical drugs in return for their help with housing, but I refused. So on the 7th January I discharged myself from Bethlem Royal Hospital. I’m now in temporary accommodation.

Once they were happy that I wasn’t still suicidal I was free to leave, but I stayed another two weeks, during which time I was ‘allowed out’ during the day, and overnight with permission.

As someone who has spent the last 15 years exploring how mind works, especially the sub-conscious mind, I began to realize that being on a psychiatric ward was all part of my journey. It was an eye-opening experience.

After discharging myself, I spent the first week catching up on sleep (the ward was noisy day and night!) and getting myself back into the right frame of mind. My original thoughts were “What’s the point in starting anything new? I’m just going to fail again!” I spent the first weekend putting my mind through an intensive re-conditioning before I could even start the project I’m working on now.

I decided to take some responsibility for everything that had happened, and have deleted all my previous posts related to my trauma. The downloadable e-book I had made available didn’t really come out as I intended, but it did help me to ‘splurge and purge’. I’ve now moved on from it, and in record time, thanks to your prayers and well wishes. I heard that many of you were holding prayer circles for me, and I have no doubt that your prayers are the reason I’m still here today. All the positive energy I’ve put into my community over the years came back to me just when I needed it the most, thank you.

I’m now in the process of putting things in place to repay those who had booked to come on the retreats and be part of the Gambia project, with compensation.

Was it a Psychic Attack or was I Psychotic?

The latest psychic attack was the most vicious one yet; it felt like an attack not just on my life, but on my integrity, and to discredit everything I’ve been working towards for the last 15 years. Instead, it has made me more determined to succeed. Having experienced first-hand how the NHS system is poorly equipped to deal with paranormal activity, instead diagnosing people with psychosis (then offering chemical drugs) I’ve decided to include ‘Black people in the Mental Health system’ in my work, and to help break the stigma around mental health.

In the Black community there is a lot of ‘evil eye’. By this I mean people who are jealous of other people’s progress, or what they have – and it doesn’t stop there. They will go to the lengths of casting spells, or if they can’t do it themselves, hiring someone to do it for them. This tradition of Obeah, Juju, Black Magic or whatever you want to call it affects many people in the Black community. Even in the Gambia, it’s part of every day life to go to the Maribou. You’ll see people wearing ‘protection’ amulets on their body, and will even put them on their property. I think this is what made me decide that Gambia is not somewhere I would feel safe and as a ‘public personality’ I seem to attract a lot of jealousy, people have often said it’s because ‘my light shines so bright’.

On top of that, I’ve been dealing with psychic attacks from my ex-partner for many years. They have caused me to lose homes, sign our son over to him, abandon projects, lose income, not finish things I started…

Yet I realise meeting someone like him has to have been part of my Life Path. What’s the chance of meeting a Black man who knows how to do psychic attacks?

NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER!

Since leaving the hospital, I started learning about herbs for protection, and making my own products to keep my aura and living space clear of negative entities, including burning incense.

Have you been the victim of a psychic or spiritual attack? (Or both, as in my case). Have you ended up in the Mental Health system as a result?

There was a nurse on the ward who said she could tell when patients had a mental illness, or whether they were under ‘demonic attack’ (as she put it). She advised me to go to her church for deliverance.

If you come under spiritual or psychic attack and end up in the Mental Health system (as I did), you are likely to be diagnosed with psychosis and offered chemical drugs, which become addictive. I was told on the ward that if I take the medication, I would have access to more services, e.g. rehousing. I refused. (As an informal patient they couldn’t force me to take the drugs.)

I have been dealing with both psychic and spiritual attacks since 2001. Despite everything you’ve seen me doing publicly, all this has been going on behind the scenes. Each attack has only made me stronger!

How did I get myself back in the right frame of mind?

When I was on the ward I was thinking I’ll never be able to show my face in public again. I couldn’t see how I was going to overcome this latest attack; I couldn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. During my intensive mind re-programming weekend, I remembered a book that had been recovered from the suitcase I’d discarded before heading to Wales. The book was about the subconscious mind. I didn’t really want to start with all that again, especially as I’d personally experienced that others can influence you subconsciously while you’re asleep. But I was led to read it again, just after thinking “There is no God!”

After studying it intensively, I wrote a new script for what I wanted to achieve. I recorded my script onto my phone, and started playing it to myself every morning as soon as I wake up, every afternoon on my break from my project, and every night just before I fall asleep. I started to play the images in my mind as if it was actually happening, and that got me into the feeling that it was in the process!

I also used a plant medicine to reset my brain.

Sometimes your darkest days can actually be the tunnel you have to go through to get to your brightest days!

I still need your prayers and support as I’m not fully ‘out of the darkness’. I’m still under attack because I wasn’t meant to survive. Keep holding me in light at this time, please.

This time last year I was in the Gambia and was spending the night in a hut all by myself. When I opened my eyes in the middle of the night there was no difference between when they were closed. It was pitch black. I thought came to me:

EMBRACE THE DARKNESS, BECAUSE IT’S ONLY IN THE DARKNESS THAT YOU CAN EXPERIENCE YOUR SELF AS THE LIGHT

I now innerstand what that meant, so I’m embracing the darkness and going into my cocoon…

Black Butterfly by Cezanne – visit the ART page

My poem ‘The Black Butterfly Effect’ explains what I’m going through, it seems to happen every January, where I just lock myself away from the outside world! Listen in browser to stay on this page: 

I feel as if I had a ‘mini death’, which isn’t surprising since I’m a Scorpio; death and rebirth are how we transform. Mantak Chia mentioned going into the darkness in order to get to the light, and to tap into the natural DMT in your brain. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that was how I was able to create my paintings. At that time, I would spend up to 12 hours lying down with my eyes closed, and discovered a whole new world within.

(My coming ‘Out of the Darkness’ YouTube video)

I’m trusting that when I relaunch, my defenses will have a new level of protection!

In your service,



Promoting LOVE through Creativity!


4 thoughts on “Out of the Darkness…

  1. Hi sis give me a call please it’s malissa. I know someone who went through this spiritual attack. We can come and have prayer meeting with you

  2. Pingback: Spoken from my Heart (voice message) | Faith, Love & Sex…

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