For many years, I suffered with depression. I went in and out of dark tunnels, searching for the glimpse of light at the end of each one.
I had constant self-defeating thoughts, hated the way I looked, and felt as if my life was pointless. The birth of my two older ‘suns’ in 1992 and 1995 gave my life more meaning, but I still suffered from bouts of depression. At times, it was so bad that I couldn’t even do simple things like open the curtains, or put the laundry in the washing machine.
Fortunately for me, I was not one to go running to the doctor’s for every little ailment, and when I did finally go, my G.P. housed an alternative homeopathic doctor who prescribed me a remedy called ‘chocolat’!
It did ease the symptoms, but the root cause of my issue was my THOUGHTS. I didn’t know how to control the negative thoughts that were constantly bombarding my mind, causing me to have low self-esteem, to lack self-confidence, and to fail in life.
While I was a stay-at-home mum raising my suns, I put my Self through a series of Self-development programs, worked with Positive Affirmations to ‘re-program my mind’, and read lots of Self-development books. Then in 2006, I was fortunate enough to be able to attend a weekend seminar with Anthony Robbins. I was eager to learn something that would help me deal with my negative thoughts once and for all, and I did. He said “DEPRESSION is just a FANCY NAME for NEGATIVE THINKING PATTERNS”. I had never considered that before. Anthony went on to explain that thoughts are like trains; if you have a thought, another like-thought will come after it, then another, and before you know it, you will have a whole series of thoughts following one after the other. If these are positive thoughts, you’ll remain feeling happy in a state of bliss. But if they are negative thoughts, they can lead to sadness, stress, anxiety, anger and ultimately, depression.
I had a paradigm shift that weekend.
In 2007, I was about to fall asleep one spring evening when the image for my painting ‘Self Love’ flashed into my mind:
It was as if my subconscious mind was telling me I needed to learn how to meditate. Not long after, I was introduced to ‘Inner Space’ in Covent Garden, where I started attending meditation classes. I learned that our thoughts are like seeds, and our mind is the garden. In order to keep the garden of our mind well cultivated, we have to learn how to ‘weed out’ the negative thought-weeds, and replace them with positive thought-seeds. My painting ‘Self Love’ illustrates that by rooting all our thoughts in LOVE, we can remain in a positive state of bliss.
The colours that I intuitively used to paint ‘Self Love’ also healed me from the symptoms of SAD, a form of depression caused by lack of natural sunlight! (see my Art page for more details). I used this painting to illustrate Year Three of my Self-help novel ‘Journey of a Sister’, and also on the front cover of my poetry collection ‘Seeds of Love’.
Here’s an extract from Year Three, which features my poem ‘Fertile Soil’:
Meditate to Create
Suzanne liked the metaphor of the garden; she had learned first-hand from her own back garden how long flowers took to grow, compared to the weeds which sprang up quickly! It was the same with her mind; her job was to cultivate her positive thought-seeds so they could blossom into flowers, by nipping her negative thought-weeds in the bud before they could spring up and stunt the growth of her flowers.
When a negative thought-weed sprung up, instead of watering (dwelling on) it, and letting it grow into more negative thoughts, she began practicing uprooting it and replacing it with a positive thought-seed. So if she had a thought which suggested “I’m not good at that”, she would immediately uproot it and replace it with “I am good at that!”.
Suzanne learnt that all thoughts are either rooted in Love or fear, so she began focusing on planting seeds of Love in the garden of her mind. A positive thought was rooted in Love, and a negative thought was rooted in fear – there was no other place for them to come from. Learning how to meditate helped Suzanne to control her thoughts, which in turn helped her control her feelings.
Thoughts Create Feelings
During a class, Suzanne learned that by focusing on her solar plexus or ‘sun centre’ (located at the back of her stomach) she could instantly tell if she was thinking positively. Good thoughts created good feelings. If she had good feelings, like butterflies, she would be radiating positive energy. If she was feeling bad, she would radiate negative energy. Depending on how she was feeling, she would attract people, situations and opportunities on that same frequency.
Her thoughts were creating her feelings, but her feelings were the fuel which made what she was thinking about, saying, and acting on happen even faster. So her emotions were the real attractor factor!
…She ran a hot bath, adding some sea salt and lavender essential oil. As she relaxed her body and mind in the water, words came floating to her. She reached for her notebook and pen lying on the floor beside the bath. By now, she knew to always be ready for when those bolts of inspiration struck:
I am fertile soil!
When I plant Seeds of Love in the garden of my mind
They’re gonna blossom…
Think of every THOUGHT you have as a SEED
The thoughts you sow, you will reap;
Thoughts rooted in Love will grow into beautiful flowers
While thoughts rooted in fear
will grow into fast-growing weeds!
“Every day is a seed to your future happiness,
success and well-being, so plant the seeds TODAY
for the FUTURE you want to see BLOSSOM!”
Just remember, you reap what you sow…
Acoustic Guitar: Theo Calliste
Needless to say, I no longer suffer from depression!
Year Three is FREE to download TODAY! Every Wednesday, I will be making a different ‘Year’ of Journey of a Sister FREE to download, leading up to the Book Launch!
If you missed the free downloads of Years One & Two, download Year Three FREE, then download Years One & Two (they’re only 99p/$0.99 each!) Read an extract from Year One FREE!
If you’re an Amazon Prime member, you can borrow Years One to Three from their lending library!
Next week, I’ll be sharing a technique from Year Four which has helped me ‘switch focus’ to avoid stress – don’t miss it! ‘Follow’ this blog to receive an email to let you know when Year Four is FREE to download!
Join me on ‘the journey’!
Cezanne Taharqa (Author|Poet/Artist|Events Host|Workshop Facilitator|Mentor)
Promoting LOVE through Creativity!
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