The story of my inner child goes back to my childhood:
Growing up, I had a natural ability to write and draw; my two favourite subjects in school were English Literature and Art. But because I was made to feel as if I was ‘no good’ and worthless, I believed anything I produced was also ‘good for nothing’! The negative comments I received went deep into my subconscious mind, and I grew up lacking self-confidence; I would screw up any piece of writing or art that I did, because I thought it wasn’t good enough. I thought I wasn’t good enough!
I remember at college in art class, I was working on a painting and I wanted to give up on it, thinking it wasn’t ‘good enough’. When I expressed this to the teacher, he told me to get up and walk around the classroom. When I looked at what other students were creating, I realized mine was one of the best!
Yet still, I didn’t have the courage to choose a career utilizing my God-given talents, instead I chose a career in Accounts, when I hated maths at school!
By my mid twenties, I had stopped being creative altogether. This was the last picture I drew in 1986 (you can tell it’s old by the carpet lol!):
As you can see, I clearly was good at art, but my perception of myself was warped, and this reflected in how I viewed my work. (I did this for a boyfriend and he was over the moon with it!).
I remained a blocked writer and artist for over 15 years. My inner child was crying out to be heard, but I ignored her.
I was unfulfilled, and miserable.
But after the birth of my second ‘sun’ in 1995, I decided to do something that would work around my two young ones. I wanted to go back to being creative, but I didn’t know how. I came across a book called ‘The Artist’s Way’ by Julia Cameron, which helped me begin the process of unblocking.
The book saved my inner child’s life. I didn’t just read it, I did what it told me to do (it’s more of a workbook). The exercises helped me clear out all the skeletons from my cupboard, and get my creative juices flowing again. I began with writing my Morning Pages (which I still do today), taking my inner child on our weekly ‘Artist Dates’, and getting to the root cause of my insecurities. Where was that critical voice in my head coming from that told me “You? A great artist? LOL” or “You? A prolific writer? You could never amount to that!” I had to get to the root of where these voices were coming from, then counter-attack them with POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS like “I am a brilliant and successful artist”, “I have rich creative talents”, “I am confident and competent in my creative work”, “I am a channel for the Creator to create through”, “I trust my perceptions”….
It took many years of working on my inner self, but in 2001 I started writing and recording my poetry. Then in 2008 I unblocked as an artist. ‘The Artist’s Way’ taught me how to nurture my inner child, and to give her the freedom she wanted to create. I wasn’t to hold her back. One of the first poems I wrote was called ‘My Artist Child’ (inspired by the book) and the first painting I did was of my inner child:
Cezanne’s mission is to ‘Spread Love through Creativity’
Listen to my poem ‘My Artist Child’ (Parts One & Two):
The thing I love about my inner child is her ability to write about adult topics with the innocence of a child, and to express herself in a way that me as the adult wouldn’t dare to! When I was writing my novel ‘Journey of a Sister’ I kept hearing that critical voice inside my head saying “You can’t write that!”, but I just stepped out of the way and allowed her the freedom to write whatever she chose…in 2009 I felt compelled to write ‘Part Two‘ of my poem ‘My Artist Child‘:
My inner child is wild and free, she has no boundaries!
When I decided to set her free I KNEW it would cost me my privacy
(and anyone who’s had anything to do with me
so if that’s you, I’m sorry.)
She sits in the seat of my subconscious mind observing all I’m doing
Then she turns my experiences into a song, story or poem!
Thanks to her, my life is an open book,
Go on, open it, take a look!
And she’s left me, the adult, to deal with all the DRAMA she creates –
She doesn’t know where to draw the line!
I know I should be embarrassed, but to be honest,
All I keep seeing are pound signs!
You can read Year One of Journey of a Sister FREE on the Books page!
Where Did the Name ‘Cezanne’ Come From?
Cezanne is not my birth name, it’s my ‘spiritual’ name. What do I mean by that?
Well around the age of 14, I was in class at school and was doodling on the back of my textbook (obviously bored!) While I was doodling, the name ‘Cezanne’ appeared in the doodles! Sounds crazy doesn’t it? Anyway, the name stuck in the back of my mind all those years I was blocked, came back to me when I had to name my inner child, as recommended by Julia Cameron.
I’ve now changed my name by Deed Poll – eventually, my inner child will take over completely! Setting my inner child free has been the best thing I’ve done with my life (apart from having my babies!). Since then, I’ve written and recorded over 30 poems, written 3 books (one is the Book of Lyrics to my poetry CD), and painted 11 paintings, and I’m still creating, including this website! I used the image of My Artist Child for the front cover of Year Two of ‘Journey of a Sister’ (e-book),
This is where the main character discovered that her roots were actually in Africa, not the ‘West Indies’ as she’d been led to believe, and also where she inspired her partner to awaken his inner child!
Nurture Your Inner Child in Carriacou!
Would you like me to take you through the same processes I used, to unblock as a writer and artist? Then join me for the holiday of a lifetime in Carriacou from Tuesday 25th April to (Bank Holiday) Monday 1st May 2017! This is essentially a 7-day holiday, with 4 days of workshops thrown in (you can do as much or as little as you like!). All materials will be provided, and you will return home with something you have created, and the tools to keep your creative juices flowing! This holiday will coincide with the Carriacou Maroon Festival, three days of music, dance and fun! Use the Contact Form below to get more information and register your interest! (Carriacou is about an hour boat ride off the coast of Grenada). This is a mixed holiday, unlike my Self Love Retreat which is for women only!
In your service,
Promoting LOVE through Creativity!
P.S. ‘The Story of My Inner Child’ also features on pages 32-33 of Conscious Vibes Magazine, dedicated to natural hair and fashion, check it out!
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