Book Launch: How To Get the Ring On Your Finger

Join me on Sunday 1st December for the launch of my latest Self-help book ‘How to Get the Ring on Your Finger’

How to Get the Ring On Your Finger Bk Cover copy

This insightful book has contributions from more than 30 brothers (both married and single) advising what a (Black) woman should do to prepare her Self to meet and marry her soul mate, as well as advice from my Higher Self on how to do a ‘DIY Arranged Marriage’!

Preview:

What is a ‘Soul Mate’, and How Will You Know When You’ve Found Yours?

  •  A person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.
  •  A person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity.  This may involve similarity, love, sexuality/sexual activity, spirituality, or compatibility and trust
  •  A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet – a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soul mate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them. And when you are not around them, you are all that much more aware of the harshness of life, and how bonding with another person in this way is the most significant and satisfying thing you will experience in your lifetime. You are also all that much aware of the beauty in life, because you have been given a great gift and will always be thankful.
  • Your soul mate is the ‘other you’. This will be the one you spend the rest of your life loving, and getting to know. You will still argue and fight, but you will also complete each other’s sentences and instinctively understand the others feelings. This is the person you look for all your life, and no matter when you find them, they are always worth the wait.

(I got all those answers from the internet).

Can You Have More Than One Soul Mate?

I believe it IS possible to have more than one soul mate.  Don’t get hung up on the guy you had a real connection with.  He’s gone.  He served his purpose.  Relationships don’t have to last a lifetime, they are there to help you grow and develop.  If you’re in a relationship that’s keeping you from growing, it’s unhealthy.  Don’t stay in a relationship just so you can say you’re in one.  I’m not promoting promiscuity; in fact I haven’t had sex since my last encounter with ‘H’.  Each encounter with him helped me grow in some way (I’d like to think it did the same for him).  Over the years though, we evolved into two very different types of people.  If we had got married, one of us would have been miserable, and it wouldn’t have been me.

‘T’ was my soul mate too.  I lived with him for two years during a period of ‘homelessness’.  It was during this period that I did my paintings, learnt how to meditate, and we even worked on the ‘Seeds of Love’ project together.  I decided to write lyrics to his beautifully inspired music captured on his Dictaphone.  I downloaded them to the computer, listened to them over and over again until I was inspired to write words to go with them (I wrote 11 poemsongs to his music in total, some will be on my next CD).

‘T’ served me well.  He cooked, cleaned, gave me my space (even though it was his flat) and generally nurtured me.  That’s what I needed at that time.  He would run the bath for me, massage my body, wash my underwear by hand, and generally make sure that I was free to be me.  He admired me.  He enjoyed watching me paint.  We co-created together.  But I knew he wasn’t going to be the one I could ‘build empires with’.  I needed someone who was going to be stronger than me mentally.

But he was right for me at that time.

Are Soul Mates for Life?

I personally don’t believe that relationships have to last ‘forever’.  I don’t even think it’s healthy to stay in a relationship if it’s not helping you to grow as an individual.  Oftentimes, two people cross paths on their individual journeys in life, and if they’re not heading in the same direction, will later on find out that they are in two different places (destinations).  Once you’ve learnt your ‘lesson’ from that relationship, it’s time to move on.  It is rare that you will meet your soul mate first time, get married and still be ‘together’ 30 years later.  I’m still waiting to meet the man who is walking the same path as me and growing at the rate I’m growing.  If you are not growing at the same rate, one of you will get left behind.

If you’re stuck in a marriage (or relationship) that is stagnant, neither of you will be able to grow to your full potential.  I’ve had some really beautiful, deep, meaningful relationships, but I have no desire to go back to them.  They served their purpose and helped me to grow into the person I am today.  You’ve got to know when it’s time to move on. Have no fear!  Something better is down the road…

Are You Afraid of Being Alone?

Before expecting someone to join you on your journey in life, you should have an idea of where you’re going.

If you have not yet asked your Self the questions “Who Am I?” and “Why am I here?” you have not yet begun your journey of Self-discovery.  Most people are frightened of spending time alone in the Silence.  They’ll have the tell-lie-vision on for company, or the radio, or they’ll get on the phone and call a friend.  Their own company just isn’t good enough.  When you begin your journey of Self-discovery you will begin to appreciate your own company.

Big Fro

 Take some time today to just sit in the Silence, on your own.  Switch your phone off (or put it on silent if the thought of being totally phoneless is too much).  Close your eyes.  Take deep breaths and connect with your inner Self.  Stay there.  Don’t start fidgeting and thinking that nothing’s happening.  Go deeper.  Look deep inside your Self.  It’s only in the Silence that you can begin to hear your inner voice clearly, and connect with The Real You.

“Meditation is nothing but a time when you can relax utterly into yourself, when you close all your doors, all your senses, to the outside stimulus. You disappear from the world. You forget the world as if it exists no more – no newspapers, no radio, no television, no people. You are alone in your innermost being, relaxed, at home”. ~ Eye’m King

Get to know your Self fully, before trying to get to know someone else.  Who are you?  What are you here for? What do you stand for?  What are your dreams, goals and aspirations?  Are you clear about your own life?  Spend time alone, in the Silence, with a notebook and pen, and write down the answers to these questions.  Are they clear to you?

What do you want out of life? Where do you see your Self in a year’s time? Three years? Ten years?  Before thinking about meeting and getting to know a man, get to know your Self first!

Know Your Worth

Some advice from the brothers:

“A Woman has to know her worth and she has to know what she will accept and not accept. A Woman also has to know that sometimes being alone and being married to her Self is one of the best relationships that she can ever be in. LOVE THY SELF. And when she is able to do that all things will come to her” ~ Kushi Myers, poet

First, know thyself (faith, values, beliefs). If you don’t stand for something, you stand for nothing.  Having a solid foundation will ensure you project outwards your needs…and attract the ideal person you deserve” ~ LG (Motivational Speaker and Success Coach)

“Know yourself.  If you’re insecure and you marry a secure man, no matter how much he affirms your beauty, his love for you etc. you will not be able to respond to his love and positive affirmations about you.” ~ Bunmi

“Women who are seeking their ultimate eternal soul mate should really concentrate on knowing themselves.  Knowing what they truly want in a relationship.  Relationships are never going to be easy because we are forever changing beings.  It’s best to be always changing for the positive. Women should never use sex to get a man, they should use knowledge. Show respect for themselves.  Not dress cheaply and tartishly.” ~ Yeshuah the 1st

Poem by Sojourner Truth: ‘Ain’t I A Woman’

“That man over there say a woman needs to be helped into carriages

And lifted over ditches

And to have the best place everywhere.

Nobody ever helped me into carriages or over mud puddles

or gives me a best place…

And ain’t I a woman?

Look at me, Look at my arm!

I have plowed and planted and gathered into barns,

and no man could head me…

And ain’t I a woman?

I could work as much and eat as much as a man –

When I could get to it – And bear the lash as well.

And ain’t I a woman?

I have borne 13 children and seen most sold into slavery

And when I cried a mother’s grief

None but Jesus heard me…

And ain’t I a woman?

That little man there in black say a woman can’t have as much rights as a man

cause Christ wasn’t a woman… Where did your Christ come from?

From God and a woman!

Man had nothing to do with Him!

If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down,

All alone together women ought to be able to turn it Right-side Up again”.

If an enslaved woman who’s been raped, beaten, had her children sold into slavery, forced to serve a false god, and had all her dignity stripped from her can still realise her Self-worth, so can you.

Identify Your ‘Issue’

I know what my issues are, do you?

I identified my issue as being ‘emotionally unavailable’, meaning I was out of touch with my feelings.  In the past I could really be ‘in love’ with a brother, but wouldn’t know how to express that to him verbally.  I could have feelings deep enough to swim in, but the words just wouldn’t come out of my mouth.  I have sabotaged my best relationships because I didn’t feel worthy of them.

I was finally able to get to the root cause of my issue a couple of years ago during my own Self-healing journey: when I was growing up, I never heard the words “I love you” from my mother (or father).  I was never hugged, or treated in a loving way.  I felt as if my mother didn’t even like me, let alone love me.  I grew up in fear of being attacked with the belt (or whatever else my mother could lay her hands on).  I was told I’m the ‘ugly duckling of the family’ because I was the darkest of the daughters.  I was told I was a ‘whatless good-for-nothing croft’.  The verbal abuse affected me worse than the physical abuse, because it affected me psychologically; I grew up believing I was ugly, worthless and unlovable.

I had to do a lot of work on my Self to get where I am now; with raised Self-esteem, learning to love my Self unconditionally and seeing that true beauty has nothing to do with the shade of my skin – in fact, now I wouldn’t mind being darker, especially after learning about the benefits of Melanin!  (See Year    ‘It’s All in the Skin’)

If you were to meet me now, you wouldn’t believe that some years ago I had low Self-esteem, and couldn’t see what any man could possibly love about me.  I didn’t believe in my Self or my abilities and remained a blocked writer and artist for over 20 years.  It took years of working with Positive Affirmations where I would look in the mirror and affirm to my Self things like “I, Cezanne am a brilliant and successful artist, I am a prolific writer, I am a first-class performer, I am confident and competent in my creative work, I trust my perceptions, I love my Self, I feel good about my Self, I am beautiful….”  I still struggle with the last one, but I keep affirming it to my Self anyway.  The great thing about working with Positive Affirmations is that eventually people begin telling you what you’ve been telling your Self, without them even knowing it.  Do you know how many people have told me I am a goddess, or that I am beautiful, or a prolific writer?  Your outer world is simply a reflection of your inner world!  I am still working on my Self….

Until you are able to identify why you are still single, you won’t be in a position to heal your Self.  You could come up with all sorts of reasons why you are still single, like “there are not enough black men to go around”, or “all the good Black men are already married”, or “It’s not ME with the issue, it’s HIM!”

It’s Time to Heal Our Selves!

Where do our relationship issues stem from?  What is the ROOT CAUSE of our problems?

In order to go FORWARD we have to go BACK 

I was inspired to write the poem We Belong Together after watching the film ‘Sankofa’.  The film traumatized me but helped me to realise that the root cause of our current relationship issues are rooted in our past:

“First we have to understand our recent history; those of us taken from Africa to the Western hemisphere during the enslavement were not allowed to create a family.  It is only in the last 175 years since Maafa that West Indians were allowed to create a family.  Marriage before 50 is a new concept.  It is unwise to compare ourselves to other groups of people.  We are still practicing practices taught to us during slavery.  Men had no rights over their children.  This is genetic memory.  It is taught behaviour.  If we don’t understand our history, we won’t be able to understand why we behave the way we do, and consequently we won’t be able to correct our behaviour.  There are people who don’t know that they don’t know, and there are people who don’t want to know.  The reason we can’t go forward is because we won’t go backward”  ~ Michael, BIS Publications

In Year Two of my Self-help novel ‘Single, Spiritual…AND Sexual!’ Suzanne was shocked when she began learning about what happened to her ancestors during their 400 years of enslavement; yet it helped her to innerstand her own ‘Independent Black Woman’ attitude, and why the father of her two children couldn’t seem to help doing a disappearing act as soon as she got pregnant.  It also helped her to change her own behavioural patterns and expect marriage before having any more children.

“We talk about our history and we talk about the experiences we’ve had; we have documentation about Willie Lynch and his psychological programming, well part of the psychological programming was to hang, draw and quarter the most strongest-looking Black man in order to traumatize the observers.  Then they would get another strong-looking Black man and whip him to the end of his life – not to death, but until he became like a snivelling little youth getting terrorized by his mother.   The women and children are observing this.  The purpose of it is to traumatize the mind, so they could start moulding it the way they wanted it to be.   This dropped the frequencies in the women by making them full of fear.  Then they would fight the resistance being put up by the women as if they were breaking in a horse, as they would say “whip her until all the bitchiness is beaten out of her”.  Now they could negotiate through her.  She now looks up to the white man as the man (not the Black man), HE (the white man) now has all the masculine energy that she fears (not loves), and learns to respect him like the Stockholm Syndrome, and begins to friggin’ love her own abuser.  This is the psychology that you still see happening today between Black people.  You mess with the root, you’ve got the whole tree” ~ Siayoum Atum Ab Ankh Rhem, Astrologer

A Quick Our-Story Lesson:

‘The majority of the records obtained from ships transporting captive Africans to Europe and the New world during the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade identify the ancient civilizations that inhabited the coast of Africa from Senegal to Gambia, Ghana, Nigeria, Sierra Leone and Benin as their source of human cargo. The Akan of Western Africa make up one of the largest ethnic/cultural groups inhabiting Ghana and the Ivory Coast. A selection of the Akan as representative of early African slaves brought to the New World is arbitrary only insofar as historical evidence points towards the Western coast of Africa as the primary source of imported slaves.

The Akan have an ancient and rich cultural heritage that includes the extensive use of pictorial symbolism in the writing system known as Adinkra, which was created by the Ashanti craftsmen of Ghana. The Adinkra symbolize the Akan way of life, and individually each symbol can be associated with an aphorism or proverb rooted in the Akan experience. African proverbs offer insight into African philosophical thought, cosmology, and worldview, so that collectively, the Adinkra and their accompanying proverbs form a communication system that preserves and transmits the accumulated cultural and spiritual values of the people.

Sankofa bird

Sankofa is an Akan term that literally means, “to go back and get it.” One of the Adinkra symbols for Sankofa (above) depicts a mythical bird flying forward with its head turned backward. The egg in its mouth represents the “gems” or knowledge of the past upon which wisdom is based; it also signifies the generation to come that would benefit from that wisdom. This symbol often is associated with the proverb, “Se wo were fi na wosankofa a yenkyi,” which translates to, “It is not wrong to go back for that which you have forgotten.” The Akan believe that the past illuminates the present and that the search for knowledge is a life-long process. The pictograph illustrates the quest for knowledge, while the proverb suggests the rightness of such a quest as long as it is based on knowledge of the past.

(san = “to return”) + (ko = “to go”) + (fa = “to look, to seek and take”)

‘We must go back and reclaim our past so we can move forward; so we understand why and how we came to be who we are today.’ 

I wasn’t in a relationship when I wrote We Belong Together.  The emotions I was feeling were as a result of watching the film ‘Sankofa’ the night before.  I dedicated it to all descendants of the enslaved still suffering from Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome:

Yeah I know sometimes I don’t treat you right

And I bet you wonder what happened to me

Why I seem so uptight and angry?

And all I wanna seem to do is fuss and fight

And not give you the right to take your place

As King upon your throne in our home

But sometimes I can’t seem to help the way I feel,

It’s like something that’s been passed down to me through my bloodline

And I need you to help me heal…

See, my brother, my King,

I’m beginning to innerstand

That I’m still in an emotional state of shock

After seeing the things they did to you in our history,

And the things they did to me!

So you see,

There’s a lot of healing that needs to take place between you and me,

And our community

And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to help us heal, are you?

Because brother, I want us to be together

I choose you, not another

And I’m trying, I’m really trying to heal

But you’ve got to help me, and I’ve got to help you

Brother, we need each other,

I can’t do it without you, and you can’t do it without me

We’ve got to stick together, We Belong Together

Let’s not let another come between us,

Let the Love for each other be stronger.

(We’ve got to heal ourselves)

And I know sometimes I don’t treat you right

And all I wanna seem to do is fuss and fight

And not give you the right to take your place

as King upon your throne in our home

But I can’t do it without you, and you can’t do it without me

See, we need each other

We’ve got to stick together, We Belong Together

Let’s not let another come between us,

Let the Love for each other be stronger

(We’ve got to heal ourselves)

My brother, my King,

We’ve got to do this together

(We’ve got to heal ourselves)

And I know sometimes I treat you like less than a man

And yes I know you have your own issues to deal with,

Lack of employment weighing you down

Disabling you from providing for me and our children

‘cos that’s the way they planned it,

So that I would not give you your rightful position as ‘My King’

But I will do my best to help you in whatever way I can,

To help you rise and be the man you’re destined to be, to me.

And there are times when I pretend I don’t need you,

And you act like you don’t want me

But the truth is,

I’m your sister, you’re my brother

And we’ve got to stick together

We need each other,

We Belong Together.

Let’s not let another come between us,

Let the Love for each other be stronger

(We’ve got to heal ourselves)

And yeah, I know sometimes I verbally abuse you

Because there’s so much pain inside of me

But today I pledge to do the best I can

To help you rise to be the man,

The King you’re destined to be.

© Cezanne Poetess 2011

Jada Pinkett-Smith Speech: “The War on (Black) Men through the Degradation of (Black) Women”

(she didn’t say ‘Black’ but I’m sure that’s what she meant)

“How is man to recognize his full Self, his full power through the eyes of an incomplete woman?

The woman who has been stripped of Goddess recognition

and diminished to a big ass and full breast for physical comfort only.

The woman who has been silenced so she may forget her spiritual essence

because her words stir too much thought outside of the pleasure space.

The woman who has been diminished to covering all that rots inside of her

with weaves and red bottom shoes.

I am sure the men, who restructured our societies from cultures that honored woman,

had no idea of the outcome. They had no idea that eventually, even men would render themselves empty and longing for meaning, depth and connection.

There is a deep sadness when I witness a man that can’t recognize the emptiness he feels when he objectifies himself as a bank and truly believes he can buy love with things and status. It is painful to witness the betrayal when a woman takes him up on that offer.

He doesn’t recognize that the [creation] of a half woman has contributed to his repressed anger and frustration of feeling he is not enough. He then may love no woman or keep many half women as his prize.

He doesn’t recognize that it’s his submersion in the imbalanced warrior culture, where violence is the means of getting respect and power, as the reason he can break the face of the woman who bore him four children.

When woman is lost, so is man. The truth is, woman is the window to a man’s heart and a man’s heart is the gateway to his soul.

Power and control will NEVER outweigh love.

May we all find our way” ~ Jada Pinkett-Smith

“AS BLACK MEN we cannot BITCH about the condition of our women if we are not PROTECTING our women, RAISING our daughters, or HONORING our mothers. We are the WARRIORS, and at some point we must realize that we have failed our black women to a certain extent in regards of HONOR and PROTECTION. We must begin again to FIGHT for HER and her HONOR; let’s build for HER and HER/OUR CHILDREN; Let’s take HER back as our QUEEN and PROVIDE a SECURE environment for HER to BE all that the POWER of her FEMI-NINE energy destined her to be, so that SHE can walk in HER DIVINE role in giving LIFE and NOURISHMENT to our CHILDREN, our FUTURE”.

HOTEP, POWER, & RAspect Your brother/warrior ~ Tau RA

Black Warrior Now I’m fully aware that not all of us are descendants of the enslaved, and it’s important to recognise that.  For instance, if one person in the relationship is the descendant of an enslaved African and the other isn’t, there could be issues around that.  One person may not be able to relate to why the other person reacts the way they do.  So whether you are or you aren’t, it’s still important to know how our past still affects us today, because it’s still affecting our relationships with each other and our community as a whole.  In fact, even those who were not sold into slavery were still affected by the slave trade; their families would have been ripped apart.  Their leaders would have been killed. Their communities would not have been the same.  Besides, those who weren’t sold into slavery were still affected by Colonialism.  I feel sad when I see indigenous Africans wearing European clothing instead of their own bright coloured African clothing made of natural cotton.  Or a weave instead of their own natural braided hair.  Or trying to make themselves look anything but African.  It bothers me when I see a native African who still has their mother tongue but bleaches their skin.  The psychological programming which causes them to do these things is so deep-rooted, that it’s going to take a lot of work to undo the programming.

Work on Your Self First

Before we as Black women and men can begin to join ourselves to each other we have to work on ourselves first.  You are not looking for someone to ‘complete’ you; both individuals should come into the relationship as two whole people, not two halves trying to make a whole.

“A life partner does not complete you; a life partner is icing on the cake of your own complete life. Do not look outside yourself for happiness. Then the relationship you truly want and need will come” ~ Eye’m King

Affirmation: “I am whole and complete in my Self”

You may have your list of all the qualities you want your ‘dream man’ to have, but when he comes along, will YOU be the type of woman that HE is looking for?

A Strong Black Man will be looking for a Strong Black Woman.

Strongest actions for a Woman

Love Your Self!

Be Your Self!

Shine Amongst Those Who Didn’t Believe in You!

And don’t compromise Who You Are in order to please others.

While you are single, use this time to develop your Self.  Start a Self-development programme.  When I was a blocked writer and artist the book that helped me unblock after 20 years was ‘The Artist’s Way’ by Julia Cameron.  It was a 12-week programme that involved daily and weekly exercises.  Decide what part of your Self you wish to develop and find a course to do.  It doesn’t have to be one you have to go out to do, it can be one you do from home.  Another book I would recommend is ‘Heal Thyself’ by Queen Afua, which I have referenced in my Self-help novel ‘Single, Spiritual…AND Sexual!’.  That is another great book that assisted me on my Self-healing journey.

Learn how to meditate; this is another thing which really helped me deal with my negative thinking patterns (which is an on-going process).

“There are different levels of development; we believe that because we’ve got a grown body, that makes us a woman or a man; that’s just a growth, but the development doesn’t stop because your body’s grown.  It’s inward. It’s about spiritual maturity: spiritual, mental and emotional as well as the physical.  And it’s about developing all those levels of your Self. So what I’m saying is that the issues and the problems that we have is based on the erroneous way we relate to ourselves as male or female, and therefore how we relate to each other and interact.  So when this Willie Lynch thing was done upon us we have to look into the words ‘Willie Lynch’ – our WILL has been LYNCHED.  Your will to be what you want to be has been lynched, and you’ve been made into what someone else wants you to be.  So you don’t have your will to be yourself.  You’re being what someone else wants you to be.  It’s the WILL of the ‘I’ that can be what it wills to be.  ‘I’ is the spiritual identity, not the physical idea or ego personality in which you’re only thinking about yourself.  No, we’re dealing with your Self.  What’s good for you must be good for the Whole.  See?  It’s that individual connection to the Whole, the Universal.  And that is the true relationship to start with, to know.  Our relationships are bringing us back to that fundamental principle of ourselves, for us to know what Love is, because even the way we think about Love is not Love, it’s about desperation, it’s about “Oh God, please send someone to fill up my emptiness”.  That’s not Love, it’s neediness, it’s a fear of being alone, and these things have been played out through the media, through films, to be called ‘Love’” ~ Saiyoum

In my poem “I Am What I WILL to Be!” (on the ‘Seeds of Love’ CD) I explain how I am using Positive Affirmations to ‘change everything about me, re-creating Who I Am and Who I Wish to Be’, and how you can too!

Before Africans were enslaved by Europeans, the family was the core of the community.  The Black Woman was the nuclear of that core, and it ‘took a village to raise a child’. During their 400 years of enslavement, families were torn apart, the strongest men were publicly slaughtered and humiliated, the women were raped and turned into sex slaves (I dread to think that the children were too), they were stripped of their names, language, and spirituality and forced to worship a false god.  If you have never read the Willie Lynch letter, I suggest you do, in order to fully realise that the psychological trauma our ancestors suffered was far worse than the physical trauma, because it’s still affecting their descendants today.

Do you look up to the white man while having little respect for the Black man?  Do you have an ‘I don’t need a man’ attitude? Do you allow others to abuse your body sexually? Do you still see the white Jesus as your god? Do you beat your children mercilessly? Do you wish you were white, or lighter skinned?  These are all psychological imprints of what was done to our ancestors, handed down to you genetically.  If you don’t know where your behaviour comes from, you will not be in a position to begin the process of healing your Self.

Believe it or not, men are looking for a woman with substance to settle down with.  Don’t get me wrong, they love the booty-call woman, who they can have for sex with no real commitment other than to make sure they arrive before 10pm.  And they love the woman they can parade at events like one of their boy toys.  But what they are really looking for is a woman that they would be happy to introduce to their mother.

If you jump straight into bed with him, what would make him think that you wouldn’t do the same with any other man?  Are you wife material?

You Are Not a Victim!

He did nothing to you that you didn’t allow him to do!  When you learn to Love and Respect your Self you will command Love and Respect from others – don’t expect others to have for you what you don’t have for your Self.

I have never and would never mess around with a married man.  Women who sleep with other women’s husbands thinking that they’re going to leave their wife for them are only fooling themselves.  On top of that, they are sowing bad seeds.  If a married man will cheat on and leave his wife for you, what makes you think he won’t do the same to you?  Leave him alone!

I learnt that bitter lesson back in 2006.  ‘H’ wasn’t married, but he was in a relationship.  I guess I felt justified because we had this on-off thing going since 2001. But it still hurt when he told me that he wasn’t going to leave his girlfriend for me.  I was so vex I wrote the poem ‘Sex with the EX’ to give my sisters some stern advice about sleeping with their ex’s.  (He called me up about 6 weeks later to tell me that he had split up with her but the damage had already been done, and the poem had already been written).

Needless to say, we carried on our on-off relationship for another 6 years.  He was the only brother I kept jumping in and out of a relationship (bed) with, based on the fact that we had this ‘strong connection’.  We had our last encounter in March of this year; I guess I just wanted to see if there was anything left there.  There wasn’t.  The relationship had well and truly died.  We were in two very different places mentally.  So the way my novel ended was symbolic of the end of our relationship.  But have no fear!  If you thought Charles was the best thing since sliced bread, wait ‘til you read the sequel!

Do you insist on carrying on sleeping with a man even though you know there’s nothing left there?  Why do you do that to your Self?

“But I love him!” I hear you say.

Do you love him more than you love your Self?  Put your Self first!  If the relationship isn’t serving you anymore, end it.  Relationships aren’t about what you can get out of them, but if you’re giving, giving, giving and not getting anything back in return you’re not doing any justice to your Self.

When I say ‘not getting anything back’ I’m not referring to material things (in fact I will rarely be referring to material things).

Are you still carrying Emotional Baggage from previous relationships?

‘…..Each time I’m reminded of a negative experience it starts a chain reaction

I lash out, shout and scream, say words I don’t mean

And before I know it, I’m alone again!’

(‘Love Attractionon the CD ‘Seeds of Love’)

Does this sound familiar?  Do you find yourself reacting in a way you didn’t intend to, based upon something that happened in a previous relationship?  If so, you’re still carrying Emotional Baggage!  I wrote the poemsong Love Attraction just for you!  The poem (guided by my inner voice) gives a step by step process for preparing your Self to meet your Soul Mate.  All emotional baggage from previous relationships has got to be dropped.  Then you need to work on your Self.  Finally, you need to focus on the type of man you want to attract.  When you feel ready for him, he’ll show up.

Here’s some advice from relationships expert Nigel Beckles:

“Have you worked on your personal development?  Have you worked through any emotional baggage that may be sabotaging your relationship choices?  Many men and women enter relationships with unresolved issues; unfortunately these issues eventually surface during the relationship causing unnecessary pain and drama.  When you are single make time to work on yourself so you are the best version of yourself you can be.

Remember, a relationship is meant to enhance your life not be your life.  Make sure you have your own plans, goals and dreams that do not include a man”.

Taken from his book How to Avoid Making The BIG Relationships Mistakes!’ due for publication early 2014

What are you doing while you’re waiting for your man to appear?  Are you spending every evening watching ‘programmes’ on the tell-lie-vision?  Or do you spend them on the phone, or Social Networking?  Prepare yourself by becoming the type of person you wish to attract.

You Attract Who You Are

“There are some simple laws in the universe that we should remember, one being; good women attract good men, bad women attract bad men.  In other words, we attract what we are.  Women should not seek a man for money and sex or to see what material things she can get from him.  Men find this behaviour off-putting, and eventually leave their women who behave like this, because men find this type of woman to be very draining and leechy.  If a woman has good intentions for a man he will see this through her behaviour towards him.   If a woman can help a man with his life and his goals, he is more likely to put a ring on her finger, rather than one who just wants to leech him for his wealth and money, and also make his life a misery with her flirting, moaning and gold-digging”.       ~ Yeshuah the 1st, Conscious Hip-Hop Rapper

“I really don’t consider any man or woman to be good or bad… I feel that we attract who we are and if a person can become that person he/she wishes to have a relationship with then they can attract that person to themselves….The primary reason for most relationships is so a person can work on their spiritual Self and karma! So with that said, the more you clear up issues for yourself, the more you ARE the ‘right ’person; the more you will attract the person you are looking for. Become that person who you desire and learn to love and understand Self first before you embark on a love quest.”  ~ Wilfred ‘Rawventure’ Campbell

Self Love Products2

‘Self Love’ by Cezanne

Whatever you desire to attract in a man, develop it in your Self.  Do you want a man who is loving?  Be loving!  Do you want a man who will respect you?  Respect your Self!  Do you want a man who is a good communicator?  Be one yourself.  Do you want a man who is spiritual?  Then get in touch with your own spirituality.  See?

My painting ‘Self Love’ is symbolic:  Our thoughts are seeds and our mind is the garden.  Thoughts rooted in Love produce a harvest of beautiful flowers, while thoughts rooted in fear produce weed-like thoughts (you know how fast weeds grow, don’t you?).  Start cultivating your mind by learning how to uproot negative thoughts and replacing them with positive thoughts.  When you are thinking positive thoughts, you radiate positive energy, when you are thinking negatively, you radiate negative energy.  Depending on what frequency you are on, will determine what you attract to your Self (explained fully in my poem ‘Fertile Soil’ on the Seeds of Love CD).  The sun represents our Solar Plexus, where we as women feel from.

“Exude love and send it out into the world. How others treat us is their path and how we react is ours…we are what we give” ~ Wilfred ‘Rawventure’ Campbell

Orman Griffith is a very prolific and deep brother very active on Facebook, this is what he had to say:

“It is said that “IT IS WONDERFUL TO BE ALONE…….AND REALLY FANTASTIC TO MEET YOUR REFLECTION”

The “GOOD BLACK MAN” DESERVES “A GOOD & GREAT BLACK WOMAN”.

IF this statement is true, each seeker must by definition be emboldened by the FULL REALIZATION of their WORTH & POTENTIAL.

Any relationship that is envisioned as productive & progressive with the ultimate aim of consummation in the UNION OF MARRIAGE must be tempered & forged in the un-quenching fires of the human disjoin of “The Lust of Power & The Power of Lust”

The core of the attraction of parties QUESTING and JOUSTING each with the other for equilibrium of accommodation cemented by the emotional quotient called LOVE should and must be examined for root compatibility so the catalyst for this combustion of complex emotions of turbulence & confusion might be known for what it is.

The contest to promote and provoke union has as its base several layers of complex and perhaps not often similar core structures of attraction and attractiveness, that weave into each other and embrace each other like strands of DNA that seek fusion at points that allow such union; and these points of cohesion may be as different as the poles of a magnet which when reversed can REPEL WITH THE SAME FORCE AS THEY ATTRACT.

Is this core of the attraction FEMININE BEAUTY & MALE MASCULINITY? Or is it RAW SEXUALITY LAYERED AS A HONEY TRAP?

Is it perhaps SOCIAL DEPENDENCY masked with FINANCIAL OPPORTUNITY because of PARENTING RESPONSIBILITY??

OR could it be RELIGIOUS NECESSITY MASQUERADING AS PURITAN?? SPIRITUALITY EVOLVING FROM DOGMA IMPRINTING???

The pressures that promote such a strong & perhaps DESPERATE DESIRE FOR UNION must be first TOTALLY UNDERSTOOD WITH HONESTY & CLARITY if either party is to avoid becoming another statistic of MARRIAGE MELTDOWN.

The WOMAN WITHIN THE WOMAN MUST FULLY RECOGNIZE THE MAN WITHIN THE MAN, and after each having carefully examined the ‘BALANCE SHEET OF THE OTHER’, they must take the REINFORCED BUT CAREFULLY CALCULATED RISK to be EMBOLDENED BY THE POSSIBILITY OF A GREAT & GOOD OUTCOME OF SUCH A UNION.

There is no man who if and when presented with a GOOD & GREAT PROPOSITION will be stupid/foolish enough to turn it down when his TRUE SENSIBILITIES TELLS HIM HE IS A “JACKPOT WINNER”

The man who was once a prolific emotional encounter prospector, ONCE HE HAS FOUND THE PEARL OF GREAT PRICE or THE DIAMOND OF EXQUISITE EXCELLENCE will NEVER BE HESITANT IN CONFIRMING HIS DISCOVERY WITH ENTHUSIASM OF ACQUISITIVE POSSESSION

To the BEAUTIFUL SISTER IN WAITING TO BE CROWNED WOMAN & BRIDE OF THE BEDCHAMBER OF MARRIAGE UNION, I SAY…”INDEED YOU CAN TAKE THE HORSE TO THE WATER BUT YOU CANNOT MAKE IT DRINK” Hmmmmmmmm However your task is not to take the horse to the water at all……..!!! YOUR TASK IS TO RUN THAT HORSE AROUND IN THE DELIGHT OF SKILLFUL EXERCISES THAT TONES & HONES ITS FITNESS FOR PURPOSE, THUS MAKING IT DRAMATICALLY THIRSTY……… A THIRSTY HORSE WILL & MUST DRINK” (smile)

DO YOU NOT KNOW THE CHARMS & THE ARTS OF A NUBIAN QUEEN???……DO YOU NOT ALSO KNOW THE DESIRES & WEAKNESSES OF YOUR NUBIAN KING???

HAS HE NOT SHOWN THESE THINGS TO YOU OFTEN ENOUGH!!! OR WERE YOU TOO BLINDED BY YOUR QUEST THAT YOU FAILED TO SEE HIS DYNAMIC & DRAMATIC MESSAGES?

HAS HE NOT OFTEN BECOME LIKE PLAY MOLD IN YOUR ARMS AS HE SUCCUMBED TO YOUR WONDERFUL CHARMS, AS OFTEN AS HE WITHOUT RESISTANCE TREATED YOU LIKE A QUEEN & UPHELD YOU WITH DIGNITY AS HIS QUEEN BECAUSE THIS WAS & IS HIS PURPOSE??

Hmmmmmmmmmm Why then do you continue to PROCRASTINATE & TEMPT FATE WHEN THE FORTUNES OF LOVE HAS PRESENTED YOU WITH THE PRIZE OF LOVE!!!……A MAN WILLING TO BE CONQUERED.

NONE SO BLIND AS THOSE WHO THROUGH ANXIETY WILL NOT SEE.

EMBRACE YOUR REFLECTION!”  ~ Orman Griffith

I love that!  EMBRACE YOUR REFLECTION!  He’s right, sometimes we as women are so desperate to jump into bed with a man hoping that our sexual prowess will make him want to be with us forever, yet the men are saying it themselves – make them wait!!!

The longer you make them wait, the more respect they seem to develop for you.  Isn’t that funny?  Reminds me of the film ‘Think Like a Man’….

I think part of our problem as Black Women is we’ve forgotten Who We Are and the power that we have.

Know Your Power!

“The woman’s energy is being manipulated because what a woman focuses on, she CREATES.  That’s why they give women all these soap operas with all these distressed emotions, and they’re really getting into the feeling and the emotion and the hatred towards the male playing out various roles.  Because the womban gives form to creational ideas, she’s the one who is being manipulated to create all the craziness that is going on in the world”  ~ Saiyoum  

I intuitively stopped watching tell-lie-vision over 10 years ago, because I was aware of the negative impact it was having on my emotions, especially the news (check to see how you feel after watching the news).  I was just beginning to learn about the creative power of my thoughts at the time I stopped watching ‘programs’. I made it my duty to do my best to keep my Self feeling positive, in order to begin attracting positive things to my Self.  I also stopped listening to songs that made me feel dreary.  It’s amazing how many songs there are like that!

What type of man do you wish to attract?  If you wish to attract a man who’s positive, fun-loving, happy, generous, kind-natured, spiritual, attractive, with an abundance mentality, then develop it in your Self first – you have the power to attract that which you are!  Have you heard of the Law of Attraction? Well in every polarity there is always its opposite; the Law of Repelling – what you’re not attracting, you’re repelling!

“When women walk the street and they’re not in that open channel energy where they’re flowing like water, where their orgasmic energy becomes this auric field around them of high vibration; when she’s in that energy field she elevates the men she passes like “WOW!”  If a woman smiles at a guy in the street she needn’t worry that he’s going to follow her home. No, the guy’s just like “flippin’ heck, you’ve just made my day!”  You understand what I mean?  Rather than having this war going on inside the auric field, the misery pulling you in an emotional dumpster and chucking it out at the men as they walk by.  The men feel it, and when women turn around and become very insensitive to their own feelings, they’re actually blocking out the sensitivity to realise that men FEEL.  The man seeks to feel a woman’s heart, to know what he’s dealing with.  While she’s there in her head and closed to her heart, her man can tell” ~ Sayoum  

Trust Your In-tuition

“The feminine energy was considered weak, because its intuitive power wasn’t appreciated. We were all taught to THINK, not FEEL”  ~ Eye’m King

Our strongest asset as women is our intuition.  We are ruled by our emotions.  We have an inner guidance system, which we are more in tune with than men are.  Not to say that men don’t have it as well, but ours is stronger.  Men are more logical; they think, we feel.

What is intuition?  Well look at how I broke down the word: In-tuition, in other words, it’s your inner teacher and guide.  How many times have you heard that still, small voice within tell you to do something and you ignored it, only to exasperatingly say later “If only I had listened to my spirit!”  So your in-tuition is there to guide you.  You can feel it in your Solar Plexus, located at the back of your stomach.  When you’re on the right track you get a good feeling in your gut.  When you’re on the wrong track you get that churning feeling, warning you that you’re going wrong.  Learn to be guided by that.

“What makes a womban different from a man is that Feminine Energy predominates; That’s the intuition, the unconscious, the irrational (that which knows without knowing how it knows).  The Black Woman represents the Primordial Cosmic Womb that works out the plans of Creation.   Feminine energy is not limited to a physical body; although male and female have Feminine Energy, but if you’re in a feminine body you must be in a predominantly Feminine Energy – not that the woman doesn’t have the masculine, but the Feminine is your strong power point.  And a man, his masculine is his strong power point.  (Not that he doesn’t have a heart that opens up, because that’s the developing of the feminine in himself).  So when we talk about Feminine Energy, we’re talking about the expression of Consciousness Intelligence, learning from within, being able to tap in directly to the Universal Source.  Intellect is an expression of intelligence, but intuition, which is FEELING is also an expression of intelligence.  So the Feminine Energy is talking about your Emotional Intelligence.  Feelings are conscious and intelligent, they are not wayward in irrational nonsense. A lot of us aren’t emotionally intelligent at all.  Emotional Intelligence allows us to perceive without words through feeling vibrations, knowledge, wisdom, insight, clarity, overstanding, comprehension, through the energy, the emotions, the FEELING aspect of you….so the Feminine Energy is about bringing balance and harmony to the intellect.  You work together to create harmony and balance.  Harmony is what is felt inside of us as Love, because Love is the inter-connectedness everything has with each other”  ~ Sayoum

Learn to TRUST YOUR IN-TUITION.  Listen to what your inner guide is telling you to do, and follow it as often as possible.   Sometimes the things it tells you to do may seem irrational.  Once I was at a Business Seminar and one of the speakers was about to give away one of his packages worth thousands of pounds which would have really helped me to take my business to the next level.  He told everyone to stand on their chairs.  My inner voice advised me to stay standing on my chair, raise my hand in the air and shout “I WANT THE PACKAGE!”  When he told everyone to get off their chairs and sit down again, I was too embarrassed to do what my inner voice had advised, and sat down with everyone else.  The man picked out a random person from the audience and gave away the package.  I was kicking myself for weeks after.

Even where relationships are concerned, you feel when something is right or wrong.  Get in touch with your inner feelings, they are your guide.  Remember, women go more by our feelings, men by their logic.  The two are really meant to compliment each other.  If both the man and woman operated in a logical manner, the relationship would lack feeling, and visa versa.  As the woman, you must be in touch with the feeling part of your Self, which is your femininity.

Get in Touch with Your Femininity

The Black Woman represents the Primordial Womban.  Therefore, she’s supposed to be the most feminine.  She’s supposed to be the most balanced being, which means that she is FEMININE, and that she respects and embraces the MASCULINE.  She loves the masculine because it is part of her.  When a woman is in a physical, feminine body she has to be in tune to the integrity of the vehicle, because that’s what the soul has chosen to incarnate in (same with a man).  So therefore there’s a role a woman plays when we’re talking about a woman in a feminine vehicle that can give birth.  She’s got to innerstand her creative power and how that is used so she can bring balance to the planet” ~ Siayoum Atum Ab Ankh Rhem, Astrologer

What does being feminine mean to you? We as Black women must give up the Eurocentric idea of what being feminine is and get back to our own cultural ways of dealing with our men, for our relationships to work.  As part of preparing your Self to meet your soul mate, find out as much as you can about the Afrocentric way.  The book ‘An Afrocentric Guide to a Spiritual Union’ by Ra Un Nefer Amen is a good start.  This book inspired parts of my poem ‘R U The One?’ (see ‘Poetry from the Brothers’ at the back of this book)

“Firstly, a woman needs to be in her feminine energy/femininity otherwise the man has nothing to interact with, unless he’s interacting with another man.  There’s a difference in THINKING you’re feminine and FEELING feminine. It’s about the right relationship between Male and Female.  There has to be mutual honour. There has to be mutual respect.  You cannot respect the Divine Feminine while you trash the Divine Masculine; “The Creator is not Male, it’s Female!”  Let’s not move to these extremes and think we’re progressing here!  Feminine receives the masculine.  Without the Feminine receiving the masculine there’s nothing for them to give form to or express.  Truth is reflected even in your anatomy; the eggs are just sitting there.  It’s the sperm that has to come along and activate the woman to release the potential of what’s being held there.  People talk about the moonlight, but the moon only reflects the light of the sun.  In nature, the moon goes around the sun, it reflects the sun’s light.  The woman is the moon, and the man is the sun.  The woman’s role is to reflect the light of the sun.  If the moon didn’t reflect back the light of the sun, the sun wouldn’t know what its purpose was for.  It’s like the man and the woman; the man is the light; the light penetrates.  The man has an exposed member.  The woman’s member is hidden in the darkness.  So when the man projects his light, a woman should be able to take in that light, and reflect that light back to him so that he can feel himself; he knows himself because she has reflected him back to himself in all his glory, no holds barred.  Then he feels strong, he feels his power, and then she makes herself more receptive for him to get closer to her.  He’ll give more because it’s a man’s natural urge to want to give, and for the woman to receive.  But she is to receive and reflect back, not hold on to that energy and not reflect it back to him.

 My King Plain copy

‘My King’ by Cezanne

A woman shouldn’t use her sexuality to manipulate the man’s energy, she should use it to uplift, nourish, heal and restore confidence in the man, so he can be himself.  She gives him drive, he gives her direction.  So if a woman’s not respecting the masculine because she’s been conditioned to believe that being a woman is about LOOKING like one but not FEELING like one and OPERATING like one; she wants to contest and challenge the male, and that makes the man either have to let go of his masculinity and become effeminized, then what ends up happening is he rebels out of not feeling like a man.  Because we’ve been conditioned from this Willie Lynch thing to switch the roles and then the whole of society and the whole world based on a Western interpretation of Male and Female e.g. men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, making people think that the natural relationship between Male and Female is alienation between each other. That’s not the nature of it, that the UN-natural nature of it!  You cannot have a harmonious relationship if you’re not in the right gender energy to have that compatibleness, because the man will have no woman to interact with, he’s interacting with another male!  Or she attracts to herself a man who’s more in touch with his feminine energy, rather than his masculine energy.  When I say ‘behind every good man is a powerful woman’ I’m not talking in the physical sense (although that can be the case), it’s about a man who has a strong, cultivated, developed feminine force behind him, so he feels that the feminine force fortifies his masculinity.  But we have a society that tells women that men are a load of this or that, or that men are suppressing women, and then the women believe to themselves that their femininity is a weakness and that they need to be like the men” ~ Siayoum Atum Ab Ankh Rhem, Astrologer

When I asked Siayoum to contribute to this book, I had no idea he was going to be so prolific and on point.  I was unprepared, in that I only had a pen and notebook; he ‘channelled’ his answers, and I had to keep asking him to slow down so I could get everything he was saying!  Then another brother Rikki said “You need a Dictaphone” – and produced one from his bag!  I was able to record everything Siayoum was saying, transcribe it, and then type it up (just in case you were wondering J)

“If a man is giving and the woman is receiving but she’s not reflecting back then it becomes an imbalanced energy.  A man will hold back if he’s not being received like a man. If a woman is not being feminine in her energy e.g. she’s being challenging, controlling, on a male polarity it’s not healthy for her.  A woman needs to stop believing her feminine energy is weak, and to surrender”.

(I asked Saiyoum: How should a woman be in her feminine energy?)  “Be open, be gentle, be soft.  There’s no weakness in that.  A lot of women are very hard.  You see the body’s an emotional filter, so whatever your thoughts and feelings are will reflect through the physical form”

The Strength of a Woman Can Become Her Biggest Flaw by Darren Moxam

      “Throughout the ages it has always been biblical law that the man provides and the woman is the lady of the house. She looks after the nest, cooks, cleans whilst the man brings the fruits home. However through generations a woman’s independence has come to the forefront and as the woman becomes more independent the man becomes less depended on. This is not a bad thing however as long as balance in the relationship remains. Men have egos and pride, and a man’s manhood is easily disrupted if he is not able to show his worth. He needs that ego boost as much as he needs to hear the words “You have done a good job.”

It’s like growing up, we tend to be very close to our mothers, even protective towards them and every time our mother says “Well done son,” that’s the encouragement we need in our conquest and journey towards becoming a man. We are being recognised for our manhood achievements, something we require from our spouse later on down the line.

What women have to realise is that it’s not always about what they can do and what they are capable of but more so what they’ll allow us men to take care of. Now when writing something like this I tread very carefully because one thing is for certain, a woman that can take care of business is the kind of woman any good man needs so I chose to use the word allow, showing I am not against a strong woman. We need a strong woman who will allow us that control and if we fail at any time, to have our back because the woman is the backbone of the relationship. This is not to say we as men should take advantage knowing you are there to pick up the pieces but more there as support of us, knowing we are trying. We are being men.

If a woman works, cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids and directs the path where the family are heading becoming overly self-reliant the balance in the relationship shifts and then you have to beg the question; what attributes is he the man bringing to the table? The truth is ladies we all know that many of you can cook, clean, take care of the kids, look after the house whilst doing DIY at the same time simultaneously if you put your mind to it but because you can doesn’t mean you have to. Let a man take care of his man business. The man is called man for a reason. He is there to sweat, get dirty so allow him to be your Mandingo. Then afterwards tell him how much you love him and how much he has done a good job even if you could do it better” ~ copyright © 2013 Darren Moxam, Author/Poet/Writer

Are you hearing what the men are saying, ladies?  You play your role as the woman in the relationship, and let him play his.  So, in preparation for meeting your soul mate, your homework is to practice operating in your feminine energy as much as possible, and to find out as much about the Afrocentric way of being a woman as possible.  If you’re a man reading this book, your job is to operate in your masculine energy, and find out how you should operate in the relationship from an Afrocentric point of view.  Some men just need to grow up!

Do you want to attract a MAN or a BOY? 

“A lot of women want men to cater to their childishness, their selfishness, their little girl.  They’ll quickly turn around and say “I don’t see no man, you’re a boy” but don’t you see what you’re doing?  You’re encouraging men to stay, or revert them into that boyish role.  When he comes as a man you rebel against it because only one man can be in the house, and it has to have the skirt, or it must be you.  What’s going on with that?  It’s like when a mother, instead of encouraging her son to be confident in himself to be free and independent of her, she treats him like a little girl; “Oh, my little boy” No, no, no!  In some cultures it is accepted that when the girl grows up she will leave home, marry, and go live with her husband.  But they expect the boy child to stay at home for the rest of his life and look after his mother when she gets old, as if to say that’s her reward for giving birth to him.  These types of things demasculate a man because it keeps him as a boy loved by the mother, not a man loved by a woman.  And this has been intentionally done (by them), and perpetuated by ourselves. 

What you have now is the psychology that takes the woman and tells her ‘make your daughter like you’.  She has to be independent.  You can’t rely on a man.  So you make her strong and independent.  Now the boy, anytime his masculinity comes up, you better put that fire out straight away because you can’t be contending to be a man, because there’s only one man (the white man).  This is the Willie Lynch psychology.  So the Black boy gets suppressed by his mother, because she’s scared he’s going to go out and get killed, so he is kept as a boy.  In the 60’s, a lot of what Black men were shouting out for was to be recognised as a MAN.  Whereas the white man would just tell you “you’re a boy”.  In Jamaica and other places, the elders want to refer to you as a boy.  You see the psychology?  So what happens now, a woman may end up what she thinks is loving a man is actually being a mother to a son.  Some men will be looking for that.  He may do everything around the house; it’s not based upon the same expressions that was in the past; hunter, gatherer, provider.  We (Black men) can’t hunt and gather now because we’re in a concrete jungle.  We’re in a totally different type of society.  So the male principle is expressing itself in a different way.  But the female principle must be in tune with herself to express herself, still feminine, but in a different way.  So the principles of creation keep us in tune with what it is, but they’re getting confused by taking on each other’s roles like they’re in competition and fighting each other.  You’ve got a whole homosexual scenario, you’ve got a lot of lesbians, and you have a lot of bisexuality.  So you’re seeing a confusion and perversion with the sexual energy because it’s not being embraced correctly” ” ~ Siayoum Atum Ab Ankh Rhem, Astrologer

Once you have prepared your Self to meet your match, you will then be ready to start ‘putting it out there’.

You Attract What You Think About Most

Do you focus on what you want in a man, or what you don’t want?  I wrote Love Attraction (with the help of my Higher Self) to help YOU best prepare to meet and marry your soul mate.

What Are You ‘Asking’ For?

This brings us to the subject of PRAYER.

What messages are you sending ‘out there’ when you say you want a husband?

What are you praying for?  How are you praying?  Are you speaking it into being, or just begging?  If you are ‘praying’ from a begging point of view e.g. “Oh Lord, please grant me this one wish; Give a husband, I beg you…Thank you Lord”

Or “Dear Father in Heaven, you know I’ve been faithful to Your Word.  I’ve not had sex before marriage and I’ve waited patiently for the last 18 years for you to provide me with a husband.  I’m going to be 40 next week and I’m still not married.  Dear Lord, I really would like to have a child before menopause lik me.  Your Word says that you supply all my needs according to Your glorious riches in Christ Jesus, so whe’ me husban’ deh?”

Needless to say, this isn’t ‘praying’.  I’m sure you’ve prayed these kind of prayers many times before in real sincerity, and still nothing’s happened.

You ‘pray’ with your thoughts, words and actions.  Your voice commands your mind, body and spirit.  When you think a thought, that’s the first level of creation.  Thoughts are energy; they go out into the universe and stick together with other like-thoughts.  For instance, if your predominant thoughts are of meeting and marrying your soul mate, and you have a number of things on your list of qualities you’d like him to have, and he is also putting thoughts out there about finding his soul mate, with qualities similar to yours, you are more likely to be attracted to each other.

When you speak your thoughts, that’s the second level of creation.  Words are vibration.  The actions you put to your thoughts and words are the third level of creation; when your thoughts, words and deeds are all in agreement, whatever it is you are thinking about, speaking about and putting action to will eventually become your reality.  Are your thoughts, words and actions moving you closer towards your goal of meeting your Soul Mate, getting married and starting a family?  When you speak with emotion it affects your body on a cellular level.   Help your Self by speaking the Absolute Truth.  Keep your thoughts, words, and actions positive (your feelings will naturally follow).  Empower your Self by using these tools wisely! Repeat this Affirmation out loud 10 times a day:

“I am meeting and marrying my soul mate”

Can you feel your body vibrating?

That’s the Law of Attraction in Action!

ENERGY + VIBRATION = MATTER

black couple 1

 You can Pre-Order SIGNED Paperback copies of the book and collect it at the Launch (only Pre-Ordered copies will be available on the day) from Eventbrite and get your FREE ticket to the Launch!

The whole book will be available to read as a FREE PDF from next Friday 22nd November so we can discuss the topics raised in it at the Launch!  (‘follow’ this blog to get updates)  Some of the brothers who contributed to it will also be in attendance!

For full details and to reserve your FREE ticket and SIGNED COPY visit Eventbrite

Hope to see you there!

Cezanne  (Artist/Poetess/Author/Black Love Promoter)

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Touching the Heart…through Art

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2 thoughts on “Book Launch: How To Get the Ring On Your Finger

  1. Hello Cezanne,

    Going back to Gambia in early February …. Keep in touch as I might be heading down to Ghana overland through Mali / Burkino Fasu before the end of the dry season

    Take care

    Paul

    Good luck with the book launch

    Date: Mon, 11 Nov 2013 12:30:43 +0000 To: mudbricks103@hotmail.co.uk

    • Hi Paul, I’m heading out to Ghana shortly after my Book Launch, Will still be there in February so just let me know! x

      Cezanne (Artist/Poetess/Author) *www.cezannepoetess.com *

      07944 244 116

      “Is it possible to be Single, Spiritual…AND Sexual?” Watch the video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9p9-KRH2cNU

      Read Year One FREE at *www.singlespiritualandsexual.com *

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      On 11 November 2013 18:27, Cezanne Poetess (Artist/Poet/Author) wrote:

      > New comment on your post “Book Launch: How To Get the Ring On Your Finger” > Author : Paul Drayton (IP: 157.55.2.7 , 157.55.2.7) > E-mail : mudbricks103@hotmail.co.uk > URL : > Whois : http://whois.arin.net/rest/ip/157.55.2.7 > Comment: > Hello Cezanne, > > Going back to Gambia in early February …. Keep in touch as I might be > heading down to Ghana overland through Mali / Burkino Fasu before the end > of the dry season > > Take care > > Paul > > Good luck with the book launch >

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